Sexual Wellness with Olivia Teahan (Sx Sláinte)

Intimacy can be intimidating when you're dealing with pelvic floor issues. 

It can feel like a military operation to get yourself in the mood when worries like leaks or pain are constantly trying to distract you.

You can get caught in a punishing cycle of shame - avoiding intimacy, feeling guilt, going through the motions, even if you're in pain, and destructive thoughts like 'my partner might be better off with someone else'. 

Dealing with pelvic floor issues is hard enough without the loss of your sexual identity and access to sexual pleasure and the health benefits it brings. 

There are many, many ways to enjoy your body just the way it is, solo or with a partner.

But, it might take a bit of a rethink and a willingness to try a few new things to get you there.

So, in honour of Valentine's Day, we've invited Olivia Teahan from Sx Sláinte to share her knowledge give us the lowdown on how to support our sexual wellness.

Welcome to Sheela, Olivia. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I have worn many hats over the years, including as a community worker, a policy and media manager, and a health promotion specialist.

I have always been interested in stigmatised health topics so I eventually founded the Sx Sláinte project to provide informative and engaging workshops and resources for adults of all demographics in Ireland.

I have a Bachelors in Law and Masters in Public Health from UCC, and I am currently a trainee Psychosexual Therapist!

What is 'sexual wellness' and why is it important?

Sexual wellbeing is an important aspect of our overall health.

It means that we are sexually satisfied and safe, that we are informed about how our body functions, and that we are aware of our desires, pleasures and boundaries and how to communicate them.

How can sex education help women?

Our bodies are amazing and they can provide opportunities for life-long learning if we are willing and able to listen to them!

Our sexual interests and needs change depending on the time of month, level of connection with sexual partners, age, health and schedule - the list goes on.

So building a good understanding of our anatomy, our sexual desire, and sexual responses, and of course how to communicate about sex, can be really useful at every age and stage of our lives.

What is body literacy and how can it help women's sexual wellness?

Body literacy is a skill that we can all learn and practice in order to better understand our body’s needs.

Particularly for those of us with monthly cycles or other hormonal changes, it is important that we give attention to our body’s patterns. Whether we’re dealing with stress, screens, or strict schedules, our body’s natural cycles can get squashed into a metaphorical box unless we create space in our day to listen to them, so here are small but powerful practices you can use:

• Do you track your menstrual cycle, including your concentration, mood, energy levels, sexual interest and activity? 
• Do you take notice of your breath when you’re in an emotionally charged or stressful moment? 
• Do you practice any form of mindfulness or body scan meditations for example, to bring your attention to sensations in the body? 
• Do you take notice of how you view or speak about your body, and whether those perspectives are generally supportive and kind? 
• Do you practice self-touch, or touching your own body, for pleasure?

All of these practices can become little building blocks which, over time can significantly improve how efficiently you notice your body’s needs in any given moment, including whether it needs particular types of movement, rest, touch, or nutrients.

Many women feel like they have a low sex drive or low libido - especially after childbirth or when experiencing symptoms of menopause like vaginal dryness - what can they do to change things?

If the sex you’re having does not feel good, physically or emotionally, it is a totally healthy response for your body to say ‘no!’ and for sexual interest to reduce.

Please, please do not put up with painful touch - you deserve to feel pleasure and your body deserves as much time and support as it needs.

So what can we do to make sex feel good when our body has changed? 

• Skin-sensitive lubrication can be very important for those experiencing vagina dryness. Brands such as ‘Sutil’ and ‘Yes’ are best for this. You can buy them on sexsiopa.ie. If you’re in the market for a new device, suction toys like the Satisfyer brand are often handy for anyone with increased sensitivity or pain in the vulva - they focus externally and emulate the sensation of oral rather than anything penetrative. 
• Taking penetration off the table can also be helpful for those daunted by the idea of sex, especially if dealing with stress, fatigue or other parenting-related overwhelm.
• Communicating openly with a partner and scheduling a few minutes for intimacy (without penetration) could be useful for getting back in the zone of more erotic touch, like a slow-motion hand massage or kissing of different body parts. 

What practical tips can you offer women who are managing pain or incontinence symptoms and want to improve their sexual wellness?

Our bodies generally need to be in a relaxed state in order to experience deep pleasure. And it’s difficult to relax if we’re already psyching ourselves up with pressure, frustration or shame, particularly ahead of partnered sex.

If covering the bed with a pretty soakage blanket or towel can take your mind away from the ‘What if I pee?!’ thoughts and back to the physical sensations you’re feeling, go for it. Our bodies are messy, incontinence or not, and the more we can embrace that during sexual experiences the more fun we can have.

Of course feeling confident and safe to communicate any issues with sexual partners can be crucial. Communication is a skill we can practice, and remember that just because it feels awkward or uncomfortable to say something doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t say it!

Films and porn have created an abysmally inaccurate image of how our bodies function and feel pleasure, so it can take quite a bit of effort to dismantle the ideals we have about sex and create pleasure in our real-life, messy bodies and relationships. Working with a sex educator or psychosexual specialist to create new sexual patterns for the brain, body and breath can be powerful in the journey back to mindful, pleasurable sex.

Penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex is really put on a pedestal, and it needs to be taken off. It’s just one way of having sex. Research shows that most women and people with vulvas require stimulation other than penetration in order to experience deep pleasure and orgasm. Re-training our brain to view PIV as part of a bigger picture of pleasure-filled activity is important. We can be in a rush to get to this end goal of P in V, distracting us from the pleasure that can be experienced by slowing everything down and embracing each part of the body. Again, it can be really helpful to have sexual partners who you can communicate with about these new approaches as you go. 

Sexplore With Shay is another Irish sex educator and she has a fabulous Position Playbook Masterclass for those looking to try different positions. When I asked her about having penetration without the same level of friction as missionary, she recommended:

• Spooning – A side-lying position with minimal thrusting force, reducing friction.
• Face-to-face missionary with legs closed – Keeping her legs together can create a smoother glide.
• Lazy doggy – Resting her upper body on a pillow, keeping penetration shallow and gentle.
• Chair straddle – Sitting on her partner’s lap, controlling depth and movement. 
• Legs over the shoulder – Allows for a slower and more controlled pace, with less intense penetration. 

What single thing do you think can have the biggest impact on women's sexual wellness/ what is the one thing you think all women deserve to know about sexual wellness?

Slow down!

Practicing mindful slow touch (sexual and non-sexual) can be a wonderful tool for really listening to our body’s needs and allowing for deeper pleasure :) 

Where can women go for more support if they feel they need it?

Anyone looking to work with a psychosexual therapist can explore their options via sextherapists.ie - keep an eye out for CORST (College of of Sex and Relationship Therapists) accreditation. 

If you'd like to work with Olivia directly you can book an appointment at sxslainte.ie/workwithme or feel free to ask a quick Q about the service by emailing her at [email protected] or DM’ing her on Instagram @sxslainte.

At Sheela, we're committed to making free, research based, original content every week to help you connect to your body.

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